The Unapologetic Guide to Closing the Loop on Your Suffering: Starting with Forgiveness

If you’re reading this, the chances are you’ve done the spiritual merry-go-round enough times to know that just “feeling your feelings” or saying “I love myself” is about as useful as a chocolate teapot when it comes to actual transformation.

Here’s the rub: you can’t talk about valuing your experiences or rendering them up to your I AM Self until you’ve done the dirty work—until you’ve done forgiveness first.

Not the Instagrammable, “love and light” sort of forgiveness. I’m talking about the sort of forgiveness that wrings the last drop of self-judgement out of your system like you’re squeezing out a wet rag.

We came into this world as foot soldiers of the Divine’s curiosity.

Sent here to report back on what it’s like to feel unworthy, small, abandoned, or just plain pissed off.

That’s the gig.

It’s no use playing holier-than-thou and pretending those feelings are beneath you. They’re not. Your feelings and experience is the data your I AM Self is hungry for.

But here’s the glitch in the matrix: that data doesn’t get wrapped up in a nice bow and posted off to the Divine Accountant until you forgive yourself first for having had the experience in the first place. Otherwise, you’re stuck on the hamster wheel of repeating those same experiences, like some cosmic collector who doesn’t know when to stop.

The actual mechanics are straightforward, if a bit gritty:

Forgive first.

Before you start gathering up your experiences of unworthiness, grief, or whatever flavour of suffering has been on your menu lately, forgive yourself for having those experiences. All of them. Otherwise, you’re just rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.

Identify the Pattern: Getting Out of the Groundhog Day of Suffering

Identifying the pattern is like finally admitting to yourself that you’re the common denominator in your own drama. You’re the star of the show, whether it’s a tragedy or a dark comedy. It’s all about clocking what’s on repeat.

It’s never random. It’s the pattern your soul signed up for. These patterns are your greatest teachers because they’ve got one job: to show you the places you’re not free.

Ask yourself the big, uncomfortable questions.

What feelings come up again and again like bad leftovers?

What’s the “flavour” of these experiences? Unworthiness, abandonment, betrayal?

Who are the players in your life that keep re-enacting this old story with you?

Feel it in your body.

This isn’t just a mental exercise. Patterns live in your bones. You’ll feel them as tightness in your chest, a dull ache in your gut, a clench in your jaw. Let yourself feel it… no numbing, no bypassing. That’s how you know you’re hitting the bullseye.

Track it like a bloodhound.

Follow the thread back as far as you can. It might take you to your childhood, to that time you decided it was safer to shut down than to open up. It might even take you into past lives or the collective unconscious—wherever the heck you believe your baggage comes from. Trust what you feel.

And here’s the kicker: don’t judge it.

Judging your patterns is like yelling at your own shadow for being there. It’s pointless and it keeps you stuck. Witness them. Own them. That’s where the gold is.

So, take a deep breath. Identify the pattern, and do it like you mean it. Because once you see it—truly see it—you can finally stop living it on loop and start rendering it up to your I AM Self, complete with all the data you’ve gathered.

And if you’re feeling brave, write it down. Give it a name. Own it. Because once you name the demon, you’ve already started to slay it.

1. Call in the I AM.
   

   This isn’t just you faffing about.

   
   Your I AM Self… the most powerful part of your being that’s lounging in divine bliss while you’re down here learning what it’s like to be human… needs to be brought into the room!
   

2. Render it up.
   

   With all the love you can muster, hand over every scrap of that experience. Don’t hold back. It’s your holy offering, your raw data.
   

3. Do it ‘til it clicks.
   

   You’ll know when it’s done. You’ll feel that click, that solid shift in your heart, body, mind and soul.
   

4. Call off the collectors.
   

   Once you’ve got it to 100%, call in your I AM Self again and tell it to cancel all further collection orders on that experience. Enough is enough. You’re done.

So, if you take nothing else away from this, let it be this: do not skip the forgiveness. It’s the key that unlocks the whole bloody thing. Without it, all your rituals, all your healing ceremonies, all your affirmations are just spiritual busywork. Once you have done the forgiveness, at that point, it’s time to offer the VALUE of the experience to your Higher Self.

Deep blessings on your journey, you beautiful, messy, human you.

With love,

Stephen James.

TLDR:

🔴 1️⃣ The Repeating Cycle

Same triggers, same loop: heartbreak, rejection, never feeling enough.

🔴 2️⃣ The Core Wound

The original hurt that’s playing out in these repeated experiences.

🔴 3️⃣ The Body Clues

Where the pattern lives in your body—tight chest, gut clench, clenched jaw.

🔴 4️⃣ The Conscious Witness

Name it without judgement: “This is my pattern of feeling unworthy (or fill in the blank).”

🔴 5️⃣ FORGIVENESS

The key step. Forgive yourself for having these experiences.

This isn’t about forgetting—it’s about dropping the blame.

🔴 6️⃣ The Offering

Hand it all over to your I AM Self. Wrap it up in your awareness and let it go.

🔄 CLOSURE

When it’s fully rendered and forgiven, the pattern is done.

You’re no longer feeding the old loop.

Medical Disclaimer:

This article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you read here.