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Why Most Relationships Fail (and How to Build One That Doesn’t)
A Deep Dive into Love, Self-Inquiry & Emotional Maturity with Peter Sage
Stephen James
February 17, 2022
“You could be making $10 million a week… but if your relationships are unfulfilling, you’re not happy. Full stop.”
Success isn’t hard. Plenty of people chase money, titles, and validation, and get it.
But relationships? That’s where things get messy. Intimate. Uncomfortable.
And deeply revealing.
In this raw and illuminating conversation, Peter Sage—international entrepreneur, speaker, and transformation mentor—peels back the mask of success and opens up about what it really takes to build a conscious, healthy, lasting relationship in today’s world.
This isn’t advice for your ego. This is wisdom for your soul.
🚨 Why Most People Get into Relationships for the Wrong Reasons
“We get into relationships because we’re lonely. Or looking for approval. Or because we think someone else will fill a void we’re too afraid to face alone.”
According to Peter, the root of most relationship dysfunction is emotional immaturity.
Not age. Not intelligence. Immaturity. We don’t spend enough time asking:
– Why am I really in this relationship?
– Who am I trying to become through this person?
– Am I with them because I’m afraid to be alone?
Until we answer these questions honestly, we’re not in a relationship—we’re in an emotional transaction.
The Ego’s Lie: “When I’m Successful, Then I’ll Deserve Love”
Peter shares how his early years were consumed by work, success, and performance. Like many men, he was taught that if you win at business, then you’ll win at love.
But that equation never balances.
“Most men chase significance hoping it’ll earn them connection. But significance and connection are often mutually exclusive unless you’re deeply self-aware.”
Success is easy. Emotional maturity isn’t.
And no amount of money will make up for a loveless bed, a disconnected heart, or the shame of living a life out of alignment.
The Courage to Leave (Even When It Hurts)
At a breaking point in his 30s, Peter found himself engaged to a woman he loved—but not aligned with. The emotional cost of staying inauthentic was quietly destroying them both.
So he left.
Even though it meant telling his dying mother the wedding was off.
Even though it meant walking into the grief of losing his only family.
Even though it would have been so easy to stay, just to feel loved.
“If you’re not comfortable with the identity of being alone, you’ll get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Period.”
That level of honesty? Rare. And essential.
Emotional Maturity = Self-Inquiry + Self-Responsibility
Most people repeat the same relationship over and over—just with different people.
The fix?
“Sit in front of a mirror and ask: Who do I need to become in order to attract the kind of love I say I want?”
That’s the real work. Not finding “the one.”
Becoming the one who’s ready for that kind of love.
Peter recommends journaling, unplugging from distractions, and taking radical responsibility—not just for your actions, but for the intentions behind them.
What Real Clarity in Relationships Looks Like
If you’re unclear on what you want in a partner, you’ll unconsciously default to what your trauma wants. You’ll chase chemistry, comfort, convenience—or control.
Clarity isn’t about a checklist.
It’s about knowing your values. Living in integrity. And refusing to enter a relationship unless it’s from a place of wholeness, not lack.
“Gratification is not the same as love. A real relationship begins when you stop asking what you can get—and start living as someone who gives without needing to.”
How Men Can Transcend Ego & Embrace the Heart
One of the most powerful parts of the conversation was Peter’s reflection on the masculine attachment to beauty and validation:
“You can’t help what you like. But how you act on it—that’s where your maturity lies.”
Modern men are taught to worship the aesthetic. But wisdom says: don’t let it rule you.
Peter challenges men to move from needing external validation to becoming a grounded force of emotional safety. The kind of presence that doesn’t flinch when things get real.
On Marriage, Ownership & Sacred Partnership
The idea that we own another person—or have rights over their love—is outdated.
“Most people live inside a model of marriage no one voted on. They signed a contract they didn’t understand, based on cultural norms they never questioned.”
Real love isn’t about ownership. It’s about honouring the other person’s truth, even if that means letting them go.
Final Words
If there’s one thing Peter Sage wants you to remember, it’s this:
“The only real right you have is to be the best version of you. If someone aligns with that truth—beautiful. If not, bless them, and keep walking.”
Stop chasing fairy tales.
Do the inner work.
Let love become something real.
Peter is a 6x TEDx speaker whose multiple #1 bestselling books have sold over 150,000 copies in several languages.
He has founded multiple 8-figure companies and raised over $1M for various charities. He can be found at PeterSage.com
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