How Often You Have Sex Will Never Define Who You Are As A Person


Good sex, great sex is the most intimate act between two humans. Rushed sex can become throw away, almost pointless.

People can become extremely judgmental if you sleep with too many people, women are especially judged about this. Many cultures say that if you sleep with one guy 1000 times over five years that is better than sleeping with 50 guys, but it is still ten times each over the same period. You had half the amount of sex, but because you slept with 49 more guys that is wrong? Madness.

Do you think penguins have some kind of barometer of how slutty they are?

As funny as it would be to imagine penguins having inner slut doubts before they hitched up their feathers for a new dose of penguin cloaca (they don’t have a penis) - it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen because they also don’t have a cacophony of religions, friends, or family imposing social injunctions on their free will.

If I go without sex for a month or much longer, it’s okay. I’m not fretting about the next sexual encounter, when it might be or anything like that. It could be a day, a week or another three months – it doesn’t matter to me. What defines me is how I make others feel, it’s my energy that I bring to an interaction.

Sex should be something that is part of your life, not something that you need to help define your identity.

Desire should be a strong part of your presence, what is it that you desire from each interaction? Do you desire to connect? Do you desire to play? Do you desire to sleep with them? Do you desire to kiss them? We cannot deny that we are going to be attracted to many people during a day, during a week, during a year, during our whole lives. As a human person, it’s your choice how you deal with that desire – whether you are receiving it or giving it. And whether you choose to sleep with one person in your lifetime, ten people, fifty people or two thousand – it doesn’t define you.

However many people you choose it’s up to you whether you want to tell people about it. You might not want to give an exact number, but it certainly helps society when men and women are more open and honest about their sexuality. If we give women the power to express their sexual desire and let there be less taboo over women’s sexual appetite, the world can only be a better place.

Let yourself be defined by where you are going in life, your passions, your energy, and how you make others feel.

Not by the last time you had sex or how many sexual partners you’ve had. Neither makes you better or worse, we are all exactly the same.

Society throws many, many stipulations of how you ‘should be’, how you ‘should live’ – be a good girl, be a good boy. You only need to travel a little to see what a different dating and relationship culture is in each country.

In Sweden or Japan, it’s not a big deal for a woman to choose to sleep with a guy on the first date. Sex is not a big deal. There is no castigation by society to label the women with derogatory language such as ‘whore’ or ‘slut’ – that language doesn’t exist.

Head to Belarus, Russia or other Slavic countries and the complete opposite is true. It’s frowned upon if you are not married by the age of 23 (for a woman) and monogamy is the norm. 

In the UK and America, a dating culture exists, but many are bored of it. The ‘slut’ label still exists, but it’s going, with men accepting how sexual women are.

There is a multitude of options to you, as a human being, on this planet earth. Monogamy, polyamory, polygamy, one night stands, orgies, in-aligned relating (which we advocate), tantric swing parties. What is it that you desire?

The chances are that you are reading this in a country where you are not sexually repressed; at least I hope you are not. Freedom of your sexuality is a beautiful thing.

Whether you are or not, it’s up to you to make your own rules – these rules have a rooting in your desire. What is it that you truly want? Are you looking to have children? Are you looking for many sexual partners? Write down your desires and stick to them. Don’t accept anything less than you’ve written on that piece of paper.

Sex and desire are creative forces. Surrendering to what you want is not a bad thing, neither should you be on a depressive streak if your desire is not satiated at every moment. Move towards your desire, little by little, day by day.

There are no set rules for desire, no societal instruction, nothing I can advise you – this is when you have to make your own rules. Though, I can make suggestions for the rules that you might use in your life so that everyone can win.

Love yourself for who you are and not your sexual conquests.

Written by anonymous.

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