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Why Is Self Care Within Relationships So Incredibly Important?


Starting a harmonious loving relationship often brings a huge shift in each person’s life. When two become one, a new life is forged. Through the magnetism of the heart and the desire to share more and more moments with each other, every action can be enriched with love and joy as well as a deep confrontation. That being said, it is only natural that when two people devote themselves to each other, other activities fall away to make way for even more shared time. One dear friend who was in loving marriage would for a while proclaiming the mantra of “we are two people”. At the time I found it very comical, however now I am living through the passage of understanding.

Here’s the double edge sword… Relationships have the propensity to supercharge whatever is it that you engage with as you have your own personal cheerleader by your side. Within relationships, there are rollercoasters of emotions, loved up periods of love bubbles, especially in winter, and of course the realms of intimacy that call and inspire ever-increasing attention. Amongst all that immersive field of relationship goodies, how does one remain focused and energized to their own goals, needs and daily practices?

When your partner is continuously encouraging and holding you to fulfill your goals, you are a truly gifted angel. I am experiencing, right now, in a very overbearing Melbourne winter, spending most of my time with my beloved in our very cozy wholesome love nest. In many ways, it is the most grounded I have ever been in my life, the relationship is continuously calling for me to be present with myself, my surroundings, my goals, and my sexuality and that of my partner. These areas are bringing up many waves of confrontation as they re-mold my world as if it was perpetually a piece of clay on a wheel.  I see these confrontations as opportunities to lead a more fulfilling life which can assist me in grabbing hold of my life with more determination than ever before. Being in this relationship is showing me what I do want in my life, in my day-to-day engagements, it's bringing me closer to living my purpose as I shed more and more of the layered-upon distractions that I have brought in to my life over the last 32 years. That being said, if I’m going through all this, so is my partner, and our lives together are being shaped in ways that respond to the influences of each other.

As one shares a life with a partner, daily rhythms and patterns merge and mesh with each other. Even eating habits and diets can evolve together. I believe this is due to the field that grows stronger between people through intimacy and the deep level of support that is shared. There is immense beauty and wonder in this as new levels of experience come out of this phenomenon of shared discovery. Although even before the relationship each individual exists with a foundation of their own hobbies, activities, spiritual practices, sleeping patterns, and even ways to relax, there can be a tendency to adopt from the other’s foundation and “try on for size” different ways of being as they seep into the cycles of lovers embrace.

To be in a loving relationship is to state to the universe that you want to experience new avenues of growth and share from the wisdom of someone else who has learned from their own trial and error of life.                           

So herein lies the great challenge that can arise, how to give the appropriate attention to the restructuring of your own life in order to really make way for the loving relationship to unfurl further whilst at the same time supporting your partner through the same passage.  (This might occur within the first year of the relationship or many times over through the relationship, I am always learning, through the gift of direct experience).  We all go through many phases in our lives depending on our emotions, the seasons and our daily engagements (just to name a few factors) that can certainly be heightened through the penetrating and probing nature of relationships. These phases can overlap and nourish each other or can completely contradict each other. 

There is no simple route. It comes down to checking in with yourself and taking note of the phase you’re in, without separating from the loving union of your partner, rather utilizing the support that is there.

I’ll share two examples from my world… At the moment I want to get up early and be active, yet my partner works from home and is in a phase of sleeping a lot and relaxing. This has quite an allure during winter, so I easily merge with her patterns. My partner loves to watch a lot of movies, I would like to read more, yet this winter I have been encapsulated in the movie world like never before. I have enjoyed diving into these ways, yet now I realize I’m in a different phase and these are becoming not as fulfilling. This doesn’t mean I’m not going to sleep in with my partner or cuddle up with a movie with her from time to time. It actually means I just need to take a breath and come into what brings me fulfilment and enables me to focus and have the presence and vitality to live through my purpose.

As always, no drastic or instant changes need to take place, just one foot in front of the other will ensure that growth in self will reflect growth in the relationship.

Best of luck & love on your journey.

Written by Asher Glass.